


Walls

by elfghoul, orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Post-Female Titan Arc, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 06:26:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4656072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfghoul/pseuds/elfghoul, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is in a pit of despair after the death of his fiance, Petra. Erwin is worried about his sub-ordinate.</p><p>{Eruri comfort rp, edited only slightly}</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walls

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, this is from an rp R (fvanjik) and I did. We didn't really edit this, so we just kinda threw it in and said good enough. So, enjoy, or not, whatevs. If you like please leave kudos/comment. Thanks!

It had been several days since the death of his comrades, all lost to the female titan. Yet, Levi had barely eaten, unable to stop the flow of regrets traveling through his head. If only he had been able to stop it. If only, if only, _if only_. The endless stream of thoughts cascaded through him.  
  
He currently sat on his bed, knees huddled up to his chest. It was around midnight, the moon high in the sky and he wished nothing more than to be with Petra. That sweet voice still haunted him to the core. She was always so kind, and had the soul of an angel. She didn't deserve a fate like that.  
  
That didn't stop the titans though.  
  
He hadn't left his room since dinner, hiding away and trying to keep himself from shedding a tear. He was humanity's strongest soldier, he couldn't dare cry. He was known for his cold attitude and for never letting anyone in.  
  
Yet, only one woman had ever came close to break down all his walls. He wouldn't have called it love. No, love didn't exist in a cruel world such as this. Yet, his plans to marry his fiancé were crushed.  
  
Crushed just like Petra.  
  
He cringed at his own thought, pulling the blankets over his knees and burying his face in them. He wanted this pain to be over. He was sick and tired of everyone he loved dying.

 

Levi wasn't okay. That much was obvious, especially to Erwin. He didn't eat. He didn't sleep. He didn't function. He had fallen into a dark place, and it pained Erwin to see him in such agony: an agony he couldn't cure him of. Of all things, even above finally seeing a beach and attaining world peace from Titans, Erwin wished he could take on some of Levi's pain: some of the burden.  
  
Erwin didn't sleep, either.  
  
That night, Erwin slipped out of his own bed to check on Levi. Levi, who hadn't even come down for dinner. Levi, who Erwin ached for.  
  
Knocking gently on Levi's door, Erwin waited for some sort of response.

At the distinctive sound of a knock, Levi stiffened. He wasn't expecting anyone to visit, especially not at this late hour. He took in a deep breath to calm himself slightly, hoping to will away the pain with it.  
  
"Come in," He announced to the best of his ability. His voice came out more hoarse then he intended.

Hesitating at the sound of Levi's broken voice, Erwin could feel his heart break into pieces for the younger man. It was very uncharacteristic for the Captain to show any emotion at all, nonetheless let his voice betray him. The past few days were, simply put, a hell for everyone, but especially Levi; whom Erwin knew would take all the blame upon himself. Erwin ached over the losses too, but mostly, he couldn't stand what it had done to his second in command.

Gently opening the door and closing it behind him, Erwin took in the scene before him. Levi was truly broken this time, and Erwin wanted nothing more than to take him in his arms. He had no idea what to say to make it better. no idea what to do this time. So he waited at the door, his body language open, face expressionless because he knew Levi would only hate the pity.

Levi looked up from the spot on his blanket his eyes had situated upon. He felt his heart twinge as he laid his eyes upon Erwin, looking relatively as broken as him. They had survived. The commander and captain had survived, yet both felt heavy with grief at the cost of their lives.

He looked away, unable to bear seeing his commanding officer with an expression so... fragile. He looked as though if Levi were to say one thing wrong, he would also crumble with him. "You can come in," He murmured, keeping his voice tight and even. As much as he hated the thought of people seeing him distraught, he needed at least somebody to comfort him. Erwin knew him best in the Scouting Legion and he was more comfortable with the officer than anyone else.

Nodding, Erwin cautiously took steps towards the bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching out a hand before thinking better of himself, and retracting it. He didn't know if Levi would want to be touched. It felt like if he touched Levi, he would crumble into pieces below his hand. The broken expression on Levi's face was already brandished in Erwin's mind forever.  
  
Erwin wished to cup Levi's chin and turn it to look at him, but his own hesitations stopped him. Instead, he looked at the back of Levi's head, whispering "I'm sorry." His voice came out mostly steady, and for that Erwin was glad. He was supposed to be the one comforting Levi, not the other way around. Erwin didn't need comfort. He was stone. He was cold. He was the Leader, and he had no feelings.

As the bed sunk down beside him, Levi felt his heart beat thump in his ears. He bit back tears at the reality that Erwin was solid and warm, and real. He took in a slightly shaky breath while Erwin gave his condolences or apologized. He wasn't sure which one he intended, but it was something he couldn't control.  
  
He slowly looked up at the commander and felt his breath leave him. Erwin was stone once again. He was the true face of a leader. Levi's heart dropped to his stomach and he felt tears prickle at his eyes the longer he stared at the solid mask Erwin kept up.  
  
"Don't," He whispered, blinking and surprised to feel a warm tear stream its way down his face. He hadn't felt tears in what felt like forever. His throat quivered as another fell and before he knew it they started flowing. He choked on a sob, leaning to curl around himself slightly.  
  
He had never pictured himself crying in front of the Leader, but there he was, sobbing as tears dripped down his cheeks and onto the bed.

 _Don't what?_ Erwin thought, Don't be stone? Don't apologize?

Either way, he broke the leader facade immediately. It wasn't needed here, not in a safe place with Levi, regardless of the state Levi was in.  
  
When the tears began to fall, the sound of the choked sob burning through Erwin's body, Erwin felt like all the breath had been knocked out of him. He reached out, definitely and firmly, grabbing on to Levi and drawing the smaller, broken man into his chest.  
  
He wrapped a second arm around Levi, rubbing his back in soothing circles. Erwin could feel his own hysteria bubbling up, as he breathed in shallow, gasping breaths full of Levi's soft hair. He chastised himself internally for not being able to keep himself under control, but he supposed that the burden of grief and the sight of this man that he cared for, broken and sobbing, had finally done him in.

The movement of Erwin pulling him into his arms somehow made Levi more hysteric. His body shook and he gripped Erwin's uniform shirt in tight fists, grounding him to the fact that he was real. Erwin was here and he was _real_ and nothing felt more comforting than being in his arms as strange as that was.  
  
He choked around another sob as he breathed in Erwin's scent. He was soothing to be around, yet Levi had never noticed it before. "Please," he choked out, sounding as broken as he felt. In one fell swoop Erwin had seen him without his walls high and mighty concealing his true emotions. He should be upset, yet, all he felt was relief. Relief that finally he let go, finally broke down his mask that kept everyone away from seeing who he truly was.  
  
"Please," He repeated, rubbing his face against the firm chest, thankful for the hand rubbing soothing circles against his loosely clothed back. "Stay."

Erwin felt himself become grounded, simply by touch. His breathing calmed, and his heartbeat slowed to a gentle thump. He could feel Levi's sobs rock through his body, and it pained him. It pained him that Levi had broken down enough to show him this side of him. Erwin had always wanted every part of Levi, including his pain, but he had never expected to feel this way. He had never expected the agony of seeing Levi this way.  
  
So, when Levi asked him to stay he choked out a laugh, slightly hysteric, because, _of course_ he would. "I'm here," he murmured reassuringly, lips brushing against the soft warmth of Levi's hair, "I'm here as long as you need me,"  
  
Erwin shifted Levi in his arms, bringing him right onto his lap. He continued to rub Levi's back and whisper sweet reassurances into Levi's hair.

His heart tensed up in a different way than before, a less painful way as Erwin whispered soothing words into his hair. He was here for him and that's all that mattered to Levi. Erwin was here, and he was so god damn real that Levi wanted to never let go.  
  
Eventually, Levi let go of Erwin's shirt to wrap his arms around the taller's neck. He buried his face in the crook of Erwin's shoulder and breathed in deeply, welcoming that comforting scent. He was surrounded by Erwin and he never wanted to leave.  
  
"Erwin," He croaked out, nuzzling his face against his shoulder as he began to calm, still trembling lightly. "Why did you come here?"

The question itself made Erwin's heart beat faster, because what was he to say? He would always be honest, especially with Levi, but which truth did he tell him? The feeling of Levi, safe in his arms was like no other. They had never been this close before. This was a first, but it felt like home, like Erwin could finally find solace in the feeling of Levi.  
  
Erwin slowed down the strokes on Levi's back, considering his answer. His thumb rubbed over the rivets of Levi's spine, and Erwin was reminded yet again of how small and fragile the man in his arms truly was, despite his deadly skills.  
  
"I am here for you," he replied, open and honest, pulling back slightly to look Levi in the eyes. "I care for you, Levi. You have not been yourself. I was worried, and now I truly know I had reason to be worried. The deaths of our comrades have brought grief upon all of us, but it seems to have impacted you the most. And it pains me to see you this way."

At the first sentence to catch Levi's attention, he moved back to look up at Erwin. He knew his eyes were still slightly foggy with tears, yet he couldn't tear his gaze away from the man as he spoke.  
  
At Erwin's confession, Levi felt his heart flare up in a way it never had before. His heart quickened it's pace and he felt less grief than before, it still lingering, yet he felt like he could ignore it momentarily. His lips parted briefly before he leaned up to capture Erwin's, hoping he didn't misread the signs.

Erwin froze. His heart was hammering in his chest. He didn't breathe. Levi was real. Levi had kissed him, with tears in his eyes, and the softest lips. Lips that had screamed insults and death threats at Erwin. Lips that had muttered jokes, laughed, and said the sweetest things in secret. Finally, Erwin had felt them upon his own.  
  
Reaching a hand to Levi's head, Erwin cupped his chin and brought Levi back, face to face. Even with Levi in his lap, Erwin had to look down. Erwin gazed into Levi's eyes, trying to read the situation based on his expression. This was one of the only times in the longest while that Erwin could honestly admit to being lost.  
  
"What... What was that for?" Erwin asked, thumb stroking Levi's sharp cheekbone. He needed to be direct. Honest. Open. He needed clarification- consent, especially-before anything went further. He didn't want them to share that one kiss, then be confused where they stood for weeks. He needed to solve it as soon as possible, though he would wait for Levi. If Levi needed to mourn the loss of his fiancé, Erwin would be there for Levi and wait.

It was short and he tried to collect himself after it, not giving Erwin enough time to respond to it. He looked away and nuzzled his way back into the crook of his neck. "Thank you," He whispered.

The gentle hand on his chin had Levi's stomach flip pleasantly. He stared back into the beautiful blue eyes that he never took much notice on before. He had admittingly found Erwin handsome, even when he took him under his wing after the loss of so many. He followed behind a leader that was just as broken as he was.  
  
"I," He collected himself, tried to gather his words before trying to speak again, staring into the blue orbs. He leaned into Erwin's touch and sighed, for once not in frustration but contentment. "I never thought that you would care for me."  
  
He swallowed, formulating his words again and forcing his voice to be even and steady. "I'm not one for words," he admitted what they both already knew. His heart had picked up the pace of a racehorse. "But, I care about you too."  
  
He leaned forward to press his forehead to Erwin's, closing his eyes and letting his breath fan across the taller's face. "I didn't want to lose her," He started, wetting his lips before continuing. "I didn't want to lose anyone else either. We were engaged for convenience, a promise that we would stay alive, but-"  
  
He paused, taking in a deep breath. "I didn't feel for her the way I wanted to. She deserved better. Yet, I couldn't hurt her. But now she's-" He felt his lip tremble again and shut his eyes tight.

Listening patiently, Erwin felt his own heart pick up pace. Until it stopped, breaking for Levi and the grief of his lost Fiancé, yet again. Erwin swallowed the lump in his throat, wrapping both arms around Levi, embracing his slim frame tightly while keeping their foreheads together.  
  
"It's _not_ your fault," he almost snarled, knowing how hard Levi was on himself. He softened his voice, continuing,  "She went down fighting. She was doing what she believed in. Her life was as full as one of ours gets to be. She had your love, even if it wasn't the kind of love to be expected of fiancés. It was enough," he paused, dragging a hand up to the back of Levi's neck, "You are enough," he said, his voice turning hoarser than he had expected.  
  
He swallowed again, trying not to regret the words that had flown out of his open heart. He was being honest, at least. That was his morale; to always be honest, in some way.

Levi listened carefully to Erwin's words, feeling his heart swell. He choked back a sob and felt more tears run down his face. Without a second thought, he swooped in again, feeling soft lips against his own. His heart raced as he closed his eyes, finally taking his time with it, moving his lips gently against Erwin's.

Erwin was shocked, but he responded to the kiss, closing his eyes. Using the hand behind Levi's neck, Erwin drew Levi even closer and deepened the kiss. It was a messy kiss: their teeth and noses clashed, and Erwin had to hold back a hysteric laugh. Levi's lips were smooth; unchapped. He could feel everything. Levi's heart beat, his breath, his body, Levi, Levi, Levi. Everything was Levi. Erwin was completely enticed and enveloped in the broken man.

Feeling a laugh threatening to bubble in Erwin's chest before he restrained it, the corner of Levi's lips tugged up. He moved his lips slowly against Erwin's, feeling tiredness tug at his mind. He gently pushed Erwin back onto the bed while keeping their lips connected, bumping noses again, but Levi couldn't care. Erwin felt wonderful and he never wanted to stop, but he was exhausted from his emotional outburst.  
  
Slowly, he pulled away and curled up in Erwin's arms, sighing contently. "Stay," he practically ordered, yet it was still too weak and sounded too much of a request to be taken as a command.

Letting out a small, halfhearted chuckle, Erwin encircled Levi in his arms, curling up around him. "I'm here," he murmured against the shell of Levi's ear. His heart continued to thump in his chest, even as his muscles relaxed in the ease of laying with Levi. He was content with this; just sleeping, nothing more. More would have been dubious. Even this, despite feeling so right, felt unreal; like in the morning, when Erwin awoke this would all be a dream. If it weren't a dream, Levi would definitely be gone before Erwin awoke. He would regret this all. Erwin was sure. A frown tugged at the corners of his mouth, and he layed back.

"Oi," Levi muttered, nuzzling into Erwin's neck. "No regrets, still?" He smirked a bit into the skin, planting a little kiss there.

The corners of Erwin's mouth twitched up into a smile. He tilted his head to plant a kiss on Levi's forehead while smiling: something he didn't do often. His walls were all down, and he was vulnerable. Destroyed yet happy, and vulnerable.  
  
"Regrets would only ruin us," he said, remembering the time when Levi joined the Survey Corps after the death of his friends: when he had first told Levi to never have regrets. "Love could ruin us, too," he mumbled, turning to stone again.

Levi shuffled up to kiss Erwin, eyes slipping shut as he kissed him gently. He pulled away so his lips was mere centimeters away, breath puffing against the slightly chapped ones. "Then let us be ruined."

Melting beneath Levi's touch, Erwin relented. He drew Levi in to his chest, smiling fondly at him. "Go to sleep. I'll be here in the morning."

"Good," He murmured, letting his eyes slip shut and a peaceful slide across his face. He had never felt safe in somebody's arms, yet for the first time, he was.

**Author's Note:**

> Please send love to fvanjik for being a perfect Erwin. He's literally the best and I cry. Thanks so much!!
> 
> Also just to clarify, Levi is still upset about Petra after this even if we don't continue it. He didn't suddenly get over his lost lover, don't worry. Erwin only lessened the pain a bit.


End file.
